I want to be more than just 友達, 私はあなたを愛して
(I really meant what I said from the above sentence)


Alot of things running thru my mind, this week was disastrous.


1.5k case summary (Handed in)
Statistics Mid-term test (Done)
MicroEconomics Mid-term test (Done)


I slept at almost 5am everyday and skipped all lectures this week. So I hope I can get more than just A for my papers. & mum asked me not to work so hard, oh well, I am responsible for my own future. And last week, I cried like mad over my presentation end up I got an decent A. If I aren't penalised for choosing the wrong partner (as what tutor said) I guessed I could have a lil more marks? C:


Oh well, I am done w it.


This week:
1.8K essay
&
Accounting Assignments


:C


Plans for upcoming 1 week break


a) Photoshoot w December-Flight


(mad excited because it's a studio shooting and the theme is "Cute Halloween"? Got myself prepared by flipping tons of vivi and I shall draw a heartshape using eyeliner at the end of my eyes", hope it will be mad cute ( I am not refering to me, but the mini heartshape). I kept telling them that they have to photoshop on my aneroxic body, LOL. Well, I still hope it will be fun and I shall do much more research to improve myself)


b) Meeting up with dearest miao n mun on Sunday (js, you can bang the wall, keep have duty!)


& maybe for the one week break I ama gonna rest? Oh well, mummy is flying next week. No more extra allowances.


Mum: You want extra allowances or anything, within my limit, Mum will give you anything but please don't take for granted and now she had some criteriors for me to hit:

a) must bathe before 10pm
b) cannot raise my voice
c) must tidy my bed after I woke up
d) must throw my soiled clothes into the bin and cannot leave it around


& cannot switch tv channels while people is watching, she said I am rude.


OMG. why is she imposing such criteriors for me?


But she is really nice, when she is back, she will get me loads of supplements, contact lens solutions and get me my facial products and bring me for facial every 3 weeks


So after she is gone, I guessed I must tighten my purse. Friends said my Mum is cool? Not at all pls. & a couple of days ago, she said, hey, if you reached home please hang those clothes out if there is sunlight. & when she came home:


" why only 2 bamboo sticks out?! and the rest still indoor?"


I got no strength okay!



This week is a reflection week. I did reflection on myself. And even I am sleep-deprived, I am here reflecting. For the things I had done wrong.


Not entirely, but I guessed it was most of it.

I thought there will be somebody who can guide me till the end, but guessed what? Nothing is forever. Made a decision, yet what made me so upset was even most of the people esp family are supportive of it. & no more, thats it, no more words of advice, nothing.


Maybe ( not maybe), I knew it that I am not the type of girl elders will like? I don't club, smoke, drink, tatoo, but oh well, maybe, other factors define me as a person? I feel I really can't find a family that can accept me for who I am (besides my own family).

When all of the people out there are against me, where are you?


But I don't blame anybody, because they want the best for you and prolly they feel you can't have happiness with me. Omg, am I making assumptions again? But this is who I am because nobody bothers to explain to me and I have come to a stage whereby I feel even I had alot to say, to do, wanting to turn back the clock and change every little things, not changing myself, but changing the things I could do.


& now no matter how much I want back this relationship, I won't do anything because I really dk what I can do anymore because everything seems so negative? I thought somebody would guide me, talk it out with me, but what I got was only my decision had been respected.


Oh well, maybe I am just a nobody that nobody bothers and want me to stay.

NOBODY AT ALL.


& I really dk if I am going for the couple date dinner tmr, so wierd, but nice cecilia said if I am going alone she will asked her bf not to come to accompany me, oh gosh, pass me the whole tissue box can*


Oh well, now you shoud be able to guess the ending so stop asking esp js.


I need somebody to really talk to me and told me everything will be fine but not anymore, won't happen. & it's kinda sad when Pamela always MIA & I didn't want to kept wa miao because she needs to work. OMG, fml, seriously.


Well, I will survived, I definitely will! I know I am not being accepted even after 2 years, yada yada, but I must be happy C: and slowly change my bad habits. HAHA. Even I miss ruru, I will also see her photos because it will be sooooo wierd and nobody will accept me anyway.

Next week is the last week of school
^^Y